I don’t think this is the life I imagined for myself as a girl heading towards 30. I did say, girl. I don’t feel quite like a woman yet. I often compared my life to the overly successful 25-something ladies and wondered if I’d get there. I often compared my life to the horrible 25-something ladies and wondered if I’d wind up there. But somehow, I’ve gotten to neither.
I set an alarm as per my work shift time.I wake up after 1 hour of that useless alarm.
And all I do is rush into daily routine and reach my work place “On Time”.
Did I just say, reaching workplace on time?Yep. That’s one of the qualities about me which I somewhat like.
I get through my day with 80% work and 20% chit-chat. But the question is , Do I enjoy it? Am I still confused about my career? And that’s something I am afraid to answer it to myself. Though I never wanted to be in this situation that during my “prime” years, I would be confused about what am I doing.
Trust me, I am not at all happy making this statement.
I finish up with my all possible work and wrap up every day. I make plans for coffee. For a quick dinner. For a drink, maybe. That sounds ridiculously old. “I catch up with friends for a drink .” That’s the new normal now.
I make plans and I always show up on time.I was never late. I smile, I laugh and I make eye contact as I say, “Cheers,” while I text fight with the few constants in my life not tied to me by blood.
I sigh through Thursday nights wishing it was Friday. I get so much done on Friday because I wish I could get to bed fast. On Saturday’s I wake up past noon wishing I’d woken up sooner. I Netflix all day wishing I could turn it off and get some chores done. I start doing chores wishing I was Netflixing instead.
I skype. I text. I watch as my calendar fills up and my bank account empties. It’s the last four days of the month or maybe the last week of the month and I’m counting pennies until the salary kicks in. But payday isn’t what I imagined it to be.
Because now, you’re right. I do get a lot more money than my parents gave me for pocket money. But my expenses are sky high, too. Did they tell you about this magically horrible thing called BILLS? No, they didn’t. Because learning about subatomic particles and Newton’s law was more important than bills. I don’t even know what subatomic particles are anymore. But here’s what I do know. I pay bills. Every first day of the month. And then my bank account reduces by half. And then I pay this incredibly crazy thing they call, “Taxes and Provident Fund.” I know taxes help keep my city safe and working. I know it. I wish they’d all had other ways of income so I can afford to do some retail therapy after that texting fight I mentioned before. But no. I pay it. I mean, I also need to have money when I’m 60, right? RIGHT? No, I’m not right. I don’t want a provident fund. I want money. To eat out. To have one extra drink. Why is there no rule that you don’t pay provident fund in your 20’s so you can have a life and then you start paying at 30 for your 60’s? There should be, right?
But there isn’t. So I live on 1/4 of the money I make after one month of waking up according to my shift timing and staying at work for 10 hours.
And I repeat this every day, every month, all year long.
And I spend my Saturdays feeling like I have all the time in the world to do chores and Sundays wondering why I slept through Saturday. I get to work on Monday wishing my boss hasn’t reached yet or maybe there is less work and I keep smiling while I am completely worried about my life. Can Someone tell me how bosses have the ability to wake up and get to work on time? Like how? I mean they have families. They wake up, they deal with family and still get to work on time!
I only have to deal with me. I don’t even eat breakfast. I wake up, shower and show up. And yet I have so many things to crib.
And this repeats. Over and over and over again. I meet with friends from college. Finally, They can now stay out past 10pm! WHAT A REVELATION! I’m just pissing some people off in the process. Do I also have to mention the many people I piss off by not texting back because I was busy, then I was working, then I had plans and I totally thought I did!!?
I deal with, “You’re old enough to be married,” and “Are you dating someone? We can get you married to him.” I find myself repeating, “I’m not into the idea of marriage right now.” Then the elderly continue to tell me why it is important to secure a relationship with marriage. I dream of a weekend in Australi alone and tune the other voices out. Sometimes, I also dream of pizza. I mean, come on. It’s PIZZA! It’s the poor man’s Michelin food.
I fight with my sister or parents. I show up at work sulking. We fix our fight. I go out saying, “I’m not drinking.” I come back stumbling. “Which way does this key go in again?” I hate myself the next morning as I get through four cups of coffee. I tell myself, “I’m never going out again,” as my phone rings and my next plan is made.
If you’re wondering, no. I can’t afford this. But we do it. Because if I wasn’t drowning in credit card debt in my 20’s, am I really alive?
And so this continues. I pay the bills. I spend the money again. I pay it again. I spend it again. I drink. I swear to never drink. I drink again. I set alarms I sleep through. I buy shoes I’ll never walk in. I buy clothes I don’t have time for. Don’t even get me started on make-up and self-care products. I’m not awake long enough to be self-caring. BUT OMG! Did you see the new face serum?
And then, as the month draws to an end, and I sit at home broke on a Saturday evening that feels like morning because I just woke up, I write a post after quite a few months to tell you all, “Here’s my 25-year-old life in a blog!”
Is yours the same?