When you try to sum up all that you felt this year.
Maybe your heart was aching and you were falling down.
Fall and rise, was the mantra you were following. So much has happened in this year. This year held most of the happiest and saddest experience you must have ever had in your life.
This year gave you ability to understand people, their nature, their choices, specially with the closer ones. People use people, People suck people, people take advantage of other people. People always treat you like an option when you give all of your time, priority and importance.
Maybe you took a long time to realize it but now you know where you’re and where you stand in their life. At times you feel helpless, at times you want to grab all sympathy. And in very next thought, you act like you are very strong and you don’t care anymore.
Finally, you realise that it was your fault and there is no point of blaming someone else. (which you never did) Everyone has their own priority list and you cannot force anyone to mark you as priority one.
And the same goes with you. Just because someone likes you or love you, doesn’t mean you’ll give all your attention to that person.
You realise that now you have no feelings and no emotions with the people you once adored.You desire to speak to no one.
All you want is to take a long long break untill you see yourself in that transition period where you say goodbye to all the people who have hurted you , backstapped you, made you to feel defeated, made you feel certain realisation, made you to understand your value in their life and look forward to new surroundings.
Those emotions, Those care, Those attachments that defined your sense of being as having importance no longer mean a thing. Totally nothing, you cannot stress this enough. So now, you just have to suffer and tolerate it through.
Your thoughts are really deep, raging, echoing and roars but you’re silent. It keeps playing over in your mind, in your heart, in your blood and in your bones and in your entire soul. You always wanted to say all these things to someone, speak all those things you wished for but you accept that you could never say everything you wish to say.
It’s okay. It really feels like no one understands how it feels to be depressed, so this seems encouraging and discouraging at the same time.
Now you understand that faking a smile is easier than explaining everything.
SMILING IS BETTER THAN SHOWING YOUR SAD SIDE.