It is one of those nights where you’re just sitting and thinking.
Thinking about everything. About why everything is the way it is. And you think of every little detail which pricks your soul,till the memories take over and you to lose control. One step forward and two steps back,that is what this is infact.
Wondering about whether the sun would rise from another direction if you stayed happy for just a day. And that’s when you start to question yourself. Question why you are the way you are, question your existence.
You try to remember and console yourself by reminding “Why you started?” But that thought doesn’t help you to cope up your present condition. You try to use all sort of tactics, to convince yourself , but you failed.
Compare everyone and everything around you, even though you know that isn’t right. You discuss with your closed ones, but you are not satisfied with their advise because their suggestions doesn’t match with the answers you were expecting from them. Obviously, because at that moment, when you had a sadist mindset , your thought process differs.
You think of every old mistake you made. You think of your past. And you feel that weird feeling in your throat where you want to start crying, but can’t. You think it might ease the pain, but it doesn’t.
You start staying isolated.You carry the generous smile , with lot of outgoings hitting your head.And slowly, eventually, your mind takes over all your senses. It doesn’t make you feel better. It tells you how right you are about everything.
And here’s the saddest part of it all.
You start to believe it. Every bit of it. All over again.